Don't Worry Be Happy

There is nothing more attractive than confidence and staying true to yourself.  In this life, there is so much unnecessary competition that we create.  Take a step back and take the time to be in check with yourself.  Quit trying to be better than someone else and just simply better yourself.  When you're happy, you're confident, and when you're confident, the rest falls into place.

Life On Choppy Water

It can be easy to get lost in a roadblock of perceived failures, becoming an obstacle for any future success.  One letdown leads to a clouded mind, limiting any resiliency.  We retreat into this corner we make for ourselves, a place to avoid all of mankind, in attempts to regroup, but we simply evaluate every single thing that is wrong with us.  We are so knit-picky and critical, that instead of focusing on all of the things that we can do right, we wrap our heads around the one or two things that we have not gotten a grasp on yet.  Truth is, everything takes time.  Progress requires consistent effort and perseverance.  One will not see results until this conscious and persistent effort becomes a routine.  We tend to dissect every fault and come to the conclusion that we are not capable.  We lose sight of the end goal, as we convince ourselves that we can’t, and simply, we won't.

Resiliency is a characteristic not many obtain, as this consistent damper we place on ourselves influences us far more than any motivation and encouragement can.  Instead of picking apart our mistakes, we must devise a plan, an approach, to reach that success that we have always dreamt of.  As cliché as it may sound, no success is reached overnight.  Persistence is difficult to grasp, as we all have this mindset of I want it and I want it now.  Patience is a virtue, and with this patience we can recondition our minds to understand that we do indeed have the capability to do anything we set our minds to.  We are not doomed for failure, but can be driven towards success. 

When you find a passion, take it and run with it.  

Don’t let it go.  Don’t lose sight of a dream you have always wanted.  You will not be smooth sailing the entire journey; you will hit choppy water, and maybe need to approach each small obstacle with a life vest handy.  You will need to throw an anchor and pull onto shore to regroup and motivate yourself one more time.  You can do this.  When we find these passions, they are ignited by persistence, but often times we extinguish this flame inside of us with our doubt.  Let that fire burn, in fact, let it burn so brightly that you inspire others.  Light the fire that is another individual’s passion.  Be so driven that your motivation is contagious.  Let it spread like a wildfire. 

The moment we ignore those who doubt us, empower ourselves to go out for our lifelong goal, and maintain the motivation to stay afloat on the rough waters until we achieve success, is the moment where we realize all we are capable of.  In the moment, it may feel like you are struggling to tread water, but when you reach where it is you are meant to be, the progress will be visible.  The growth will be there.  Your experience will shape you to be an even more open-minded, inspired, and passionate individual than you already were.  Go light the spark inside your heart, silence those who say you can’t and lose yourself in this journey called life.  

A Timeless Legacy

Yesterday, New York Yankees all-star shortstop, Derek Jeter, announced that he would be retiring following the 2014 season.  As a die hard Yankee fan, I was devastated.  My childhood hero and the only shortstop that I have ever known was going to be leaving the Bronx Bombers.  He was the face of the Yankees, even better, the face of Major League Baseball.  Jeter has reached practically every goal he has set for himself, represented himself in a classy way on and off the field, and has been a loyal member to his team since 1996.  He has truly lived up to the Yankees' slogan A Timeless Legacy.

After reading article after article, watching videos, reminiscing his career through photographs, I have come to the conclusion that Jeter has lead a life that we all should follow.  Granted, not everyone is going to be a superstar baseball slugger who can hit over 3K hits, contribute to World Series wins, or wear  pinstripes; however, I believe that we can all lead our own timeless legacy.  We all can lead a life that is  loyal, honest, trustworthy.  We can all follow a passion, just as Jeter did.

It takes persistence, resilience, and desire to achieve a goal you set forth so early in your life, but we are all capable of doing just that.  A fire is lit within all of us, but it is up to each of us to either extinguish it, or let the fire transform into a blaze.  We only have so much time, so instead of wishing you could be a leader like Jeter, start carving your own legacy.  Be timeless.  Sport your pride and don't let another moment slip away.

You Are Worth More Than You'll Ever Know

I came to the sad realization this past weekend of how real suicide is.  It is a real thought that crosses so many people’s minds, but for some, they execute that thought completely, leaving this world forever.  Their presence disappears and their memory can only be retrieved through pictures and stories. 

I’m sure by now many of you have heard the tragic story of the UPenn track star, Madison, that committed suicide on January 17.  This girl lived three miles away from me, and though I did not know her personally, she was still apart of my community.  Bergen County is a close-knit area; one school’s loss is another school’s loss.  Particularly in the track world, where this girl thrived, teammates stretch beyond your own school.  Many of my close friends have competed against her in soccer or have watched her compete at track meets; she was “iconic,” as her father mentioned in his interview with Darren Cooper, journalist for Varsity Aces. 

After being completely distraught that a girl my age, in my grade, living only a few miles up the road is completely gone, I couldn’t stay focused.  I felt so bleh and my face was emotionless, although my heavy heart was becoming difficult to carry any further.  It wasn’t until my mom called me the afternoon I found out of this tragic death to make sure that I was doing alright that I completely broke down crying.  I could not wrap my head around the fact that this girl was gone from this world.  I couldn’t understand that she felt such a heavy burden in her heart that she couldn’t find the correct means of dealing with her depression.  It haunted me that she was in the process of receiving help from a psychologist, but whatever creature took over her mind was too powerful to cease her suicidal thoughts and plans. 

It’s a surreal thing to think about, especially when you don’t know the person personally.  When there’s no direct connection, it’s easy to think she’s still living her life, but that isn’t the case.  I came to the conclusion that despite how well you knew her, there was still so much hurt and despair that was being felt by people nationwide, especially those her age.  We are all hit by this story in a different way.  For me, it reaffirms my passion for psychology and pushes me along to earn my PhD, so I can help people feeling this burden.  I want to conquer the demons in anyone’s distressed heads.  I want to get down to the problem and solve it. 

This story particularly hit home for me, especially after dealing with forms of depression in middle school.  Three years of bullying had me feeling so low, that I didn’t really know what to expect going into school each day.  I felt helpless, but the support from my family was impeccable.  Without them, I don’t know where I would be.  I was lucky to overcome such adversity, and that’s why I think I took everything and ran with it, eager to help others feeling low and on the outside.

In these ways, the issue of depression hits home to me; it allows me to relate to her on a different level.  It makes me want to help.  It makes me wish I knew how to change things.  It makes me realize that suicide is a persistent issue that affects people of all backgrounds—from the super popular genius and track star trying to keep up with daily pressures, to the boy or girl feeling like they cannot even identify who they are.  All types of people feel depression and anxiety and contemplate suicide. 

Repeat after me: You are beautiful and you mean something to someone.  Your disappearance would break hearts everywhere.  You can find a better way to overcome any obstacle you are faced with.  You can persevere. 

I think through all of this, one song has been echoing in my mind.  It’s called ‘Why’ by country band Rascal Flatts:

You must have been in a place so dark

You couldn’t feel the light

Reachin’ for you through that stormy cloud

Now here we are gathered in our little hometown

This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd.

It sort of sets the preface for how all of Northern New Jersey, and even individuals further than the Garden State have been feeling, hearts aching for this girl who couldn’t find the light.

Oh why, there’s no comprehending,

And who am I to try to judge or explain,

Oh but I do have one burning question

Who told you life wasn’t worth the fight?

They were wrong, they lied.

I can’t even begin to wrap my head around everything this story has shown, but one thing I do know is that we all should be aware of the impact this has caused.  All of the “I had no idea she was going through such a dark time” responses that have escalated show that sometimes there is no way to tell when someone is battling depression, but it is a message to those fighting these demons that you are not alone and there are people you can share your thoughts with- always. 

Life is a whole lot sweeter with you in it. 

Rest in the sweetest peace, Madison Holleran.

Danielle

Finding Your Way

Call it fate, call it God, call it luck, or mere coincidence, I’ve chiseled my way to a place where I am truly feeling that I belong.  I have sat down some nights and thought to myself, I have never felt so alive. That’s the crazy part—once we find our place, once we find a starting point to live a life we are more than content with, we start truly living. 

I think that’s the thing- we become so content with life that we don’t seek more.  We get used to let downs, so we curl up in a corner where we’re less vulnerable.  We get used to heartbreaks, so we put up a shield and close ourselves off.  We become so convinced that everyone is the same that we stop giving out chances.  But at what point is it that we see everyone else living their life, happy with who they are, loving who they’re with, that we become so influenced to make a change? How broken do we have to be or do we have to be broken at all?

Sometimes change just comes to us, but often times we’re too afraid to embrace it.  Let down your guard and open your heart to endless possibilities that are being thrown your way.  That’s not to say your effort isn’t needed—the effort you put forward will guide you to further successes.  Meet new people, try something different; open your world to everyone else’s.  Realize what is good for you. 

Eventually you find our place and figure out exactly who it is you were destined to be.  All of the people you once knew have added to who you are, and all of the people you’ve recently met add so much more meaning.  Life starts to lose its black and white dimension and bursts into color again.  You see your worth and others see it too and you find that you’re happy.  You’re really, really happy. 

Let it soak in; take a minute to yourself and see how far you’ve come.  All of the ups and downs, those questions that seemingly had no answers—here you are.  You’ve carved your way through the thickest obstacles to bring yourself to a point in time where you are more than just content. 

Passion

I have a passion for helping people, solely because there were very few people who were there to help me when I needed guidance.  This passion has influenced the creation of an anti-bullying program, this blog, and my dreams of opening my own child psychology practice in Manhattan.  Find your passion and pursue it to your fullest potential; you have no idea how many people you can inspire as a result.

Danielle

Hardships

I don't think that I have read truer words.  Life throws you curve balls and sometimes you're going to get hit by a pitch.  How you handle those obstacles will lead you to better days.  Leaping over these hurdles will provide you with endless options in life, endless opportunities to create yourself and meet others who truly appreciate you.  It isn't until you shake off the pain that you can focus on the road ahead.  These bruises will ache for periods of time, but they will fade.  Sometimes there will be scars, but rehash on these permanent marks and realize these experiences have shaped who you are.  By learning from these times, you will only grow and find the key to your happiness.